we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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