Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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