Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
