I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
