I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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