I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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