Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
