So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
