All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
pray to the hookup gods
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
