My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
