just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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