Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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