This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
