When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
