you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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