she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
