Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
