Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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