I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
When are your genitals available?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
