well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
