The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize