remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
