Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
