either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
