we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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