quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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