I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
