I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
