could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
