if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
