We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
