my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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