We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
