woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
