don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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