Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
