man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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