Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
