I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
