I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
