Tell her she can't have a vagina
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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