Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Pants 0. Shit 1.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
