Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
