at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Randomize
