Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
