Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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