I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
