If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
