I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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