his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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