Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
