Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
