wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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