You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
