no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
