I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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