Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
