she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
