I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
