dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
