my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
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you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
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Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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