i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
