You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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