His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
