I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize