The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
