cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
