It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
