He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
