I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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