all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just found puke in my bra..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
