I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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