I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize