we made out on top of his cat.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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